Credit to Patriot Humor!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Oh boy
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. My sister thought this was hilarious. Not sure why.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. My favorite
War does not determine who is right — only who is left. Sad. But so true.
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. See above comment.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. BAD!!!!
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station. LOL!!!! That’s all I have to say.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Yeah! Good question. I want to know!
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. Blink
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.” Ha!
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Ugh. Thanks for letting me know!
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? I wish I knew. People is peculiar that way.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? No comment.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Whoa.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! Is that a quotation from somebody we know?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. The world is full of diplomats.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Astounding logic.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. Speaking from experience?
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure. I can help you find out.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Ha!
You made my day, Alice.
I sent them to several people!
Hahahaha! Your sister’s favorite is my favorite too. These are absolutely hilarious!!! Thanks for posting these.